Couples Therapy
Gottman Method & psychodynamic depth work | Brooklyn Heights & virtual across New York State
Couples typically come to therapy because something is wrong. But underneath, there's almost always something still worth protecting: an ease, a shared language, a version of each other you both remember and long for.
Part of the work is understanding what's gone sideways, and the other part is finding and strengthening what remains intact.
Who I often work with
Most relationships in difficulty are not in crisis. They may be worn down by the accumulation of small unresolved things, conversations that stopped happening (or kept happening), or a gradual settling into a version of togetherness neither of you feels you chose. That's harder to name than a crisis, and it's often what brings couples in.
I work with couples who may be navigating:
recurring conflict — the same argument dressed up differently, usually with the same ending
distance or disconnection, including the sense of living alongside each other rather than with each other
a rupture in trust or the long work that follows one
decisions that have stalled about commitment, children, geography, or whether to continue
the strain of a transition: a move, a job change, new parenthood, or a loss
communication challenges that seem only to emerge within their relationship
the particular strain that creative and entertainment careers can put on a relationship — mismatched trajectories, unstable income, long stretches apart, or two people in the same field
Couples come at every stage: early and figuring out how to argue and repair, decades in and worn down, engaged and wanting to build well, or unsure whether they want to stay.
Two approaches, and why I use both
Most couples therapists work primarily from one of two traditions: Gottman Method or psychodynamic. I work from both, because each one answers a question the other doesn’t.
Gottman Method Couples Therapy comes out of decades of empirical research into what distinguishes relationships that last from relationships that don't. It's structured and it's specific: it can tell you what happens in the first three minutes of a conflict that predicts how it ends, what repair looks like when it works, and why certain kinds of criticism are more corrosive than others. I've completed Level 3 training through The Gottman Institute.
What Gottman offers a couple is traction. There is a clear assessment, a shared language for what's going wrong, and concrete work on how conflict starts, how it escalates, and how you find your way back. For couples who feel like they've been going in circles, having a structure is often an enormous relief.
Psychodynamic and relational work answers a different question. It asks why this comment, from this person, lands the way it does. Why a certain kind of distance is unbearable for one partner and barely registers for the other. Why an agreement you both genuinely meant to keep dissolved almost instantly.
Those responses are informed by rich histories. Each of you brings something into the relationship that was formed long before you met — in your family, in earlier relationships, and in what you learned about what closeness costs and what conflict means. Those histories are often operating unconsciously, which is why insight alone doesn't dislodge them and why good communication tools sometimes fail in the very moment you need them most.
Together, they do something neither does alone. The Gottman framework gives us structure, traction, and a way to change what happens during conflict. The psychodynamic lens explains why the conflict takes the particular shape it does, and why it keeps returning even after you've both learned to fight better.
Skills without depth often hold until the next time you're genuinely activated. Depth without structure can be illuminating and slow, and couples in acute distress often can't afford slow. Used together, the structure creates enough stability for the deeper work to be possible, and the deeper work helps the structure last.
What the work looks like
We usually begin with a structured assessment: a joint session, an individual conversation with each partner, and an optional detailed questionnaire drawn from the Gottman framework. That gives us a clear map of where the relationship is strong and where it's caught, and it means we're not guessing.
From there, the work shifts between registers: some sessions are focused and practical (what happened this week, how the conversation went sideways, and what a different version would have looked like), and others slow down considerably (what came up for you when your partner said that, when you've felt that before, and what you were bracing for).
We also pay attention to what happens between the three of us in session. Couples don't leave their patterns at the door; they frequently come to life in the room. Noticing that together, as it happens, is often more useful than any account of it after the fact.
If one of you is less certain about therapy
Not everyone arrives at couples therapy at the same speed. Often one partner has been thinking about it for a while and the other is here because their partner matters to them.
That's a fine place to start. Agreeing on the problem, whether therapy is the answer, or on much of anything isn’t a prerequisite. You just need enough willingness to sit down together and get curious about what's really going on.
Practical details
Couples sessions are 60 minutes, held either in person in Brooklyn Heights or via secure video from anywhere in New York State. Couples can join from the same room or from separate locations when schedules require it.
Sessions are typically held weekly at a standing time, and my fee is $300 per session. I reserve a limited number of sliding scale spots.
More on fees, policies, and getting started on the FAQ page.
A free phone consultation is the easiest way to see whether this is a fit. We'll speak briefly about what's bringing you in, you can ask whatever you'd like, and we can decide together whether to meet.
You’re welcome to share as much or as little as you’d like in your message. I typically respond within two business days.